The Table Campaign, 35 Day Devotional
Margie Kollbocker, Parkview Kids Team Member
My dad died in 2014. My mom died one year later, which means I became an orphan at age 53. While sad, this doesn’t feel tragic. My parents both lived full lives well into their 80s, and I have a wonderful family with grown children of my own. So I was unprepared for the impact their passing had on me.
With no generation standing between me and eternity, suddenly my footing felt unsure. God felt unreal, uninvolved, too far away. Prayer felt empty, exhausting, ineffective. Church was difficult; it left me vulnerable and raw. I thought I knew who God was, but then unwelcome circumstances arose and like Jonah (Jonah 1-4) and Thomas (John 20:24-29), I realized my view of God was too narrow, my theology too small.
It often takes watershed moments to shake loose the deadwood we hang onto and reorient our understandings. It took my journey through grief to internalize the truth that any god I can fully define and comprehend is a god of my own making.
God is both infinite and intimate, just and merciful, powerful and gentle, and many more complex contradictions and affirmations. My view of God was blown apart, and now I’m learning to lean into and live into the greater mystery of who God truly is. This requires me, every day, to choose to believe. I have appropriated the prayer of the dad in Mark 9, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” Join me in this journey to COMMIT to truly know God.
- What watershed moment(s) have you experienced?
- How did it impact your view of God?
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